When They Say They Want School
This is an issue every unschooling parent confronts with their children and GWS printed many articles reflecting a variety of opinions and approaches that parents used. Here are two, focused on children under 10.
From Growing Without Schooling 69.
Susan Pitman (NB) writes:
Hansi Whitelaw's “What if She Wants to Go to School?” (GWS 67) sparked a memory for me. My daughter Sarah has always been a very social person, and when she was 5 she said she wanted to go to school. I got her to talk about why she wanted to go. Her main reason was that she wanted to have lots of friends to play with. I recognized her social needs but I honestly didn't think the playground at school would meet them in a constructive, positive, growth-enhancing way. So I told her, after listening to her pleas and demands to go, that she could not go now and that I did not want to discuss this again until she was 10.
Sarah is now 8, and I feel she has grown in self-awareness and self-confidence. Now I am ready to say yes to her if she wants to go to school. She could now handle a school situation and make the decision for herself about whether to go or to remain at home. She has had more chances to discuss with other children what school is like. She has visited the school building after hours, but while there were still students having to line up or stay in rooms, etc. One day we were walking down the corridor of an elementary school and a teacher was yelling pretty nastily at a boy. Sarah got quite upset and wanted to know why she was talking like that to him. I said maybe the teacher was tired, had had a hard day, etc. Sarah turned to me and said, “Mom, I wouldn't want to be him. He must feel awful.” I agreed with her. I wouldn't have wanted to be him either. But a little voice inside me reminded me that I had been him once and that it did feel awful. It made me feel that I have given my children quite gift even if it isn't always perfect.
Last year was the first year Sarah had to be registered with the Department of Education. When the representative came to our house for the yearly visit, Sarah monopolized her time for well over half an hour discussing books, math, trips, stories, her personal file, etc. When she was asked about being taught at home she very promptly and confidently spoke up and said that she always wanted to stay at home and have Mom teach her. This response was good for me to hear, but it also made me think about how I would have felt if she had said the opposite.Would I let her, or any of my children, go? I found I had to sort out what was mine and what was theirs, and it was a very beneflcial exercise for me to do.
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And from Kathy Dolezal (MN):
This is ln response to Hansi Whitelaw (GWS 67) whose 5 year old wants to go to school, and Susan Wetntrob (GWS 62) who wants to hear about children participating in school programs.Our family started homeschooling when my children were 10 (Katrina), 7 (Maryrose), and 4 (Theresa). Both Katrina and Maryrose liked public school and were "very high achievers.” But Bob and I had seen a surprising change in Maryrose in first grade. She had always been a sociable, carefree, happy, and creative child. As the year progressed, she became more and more nervous, always striving for perfection. She did not want to homeschool. She wanted to be in school with her friends. Bob and I simply told her that she had to try homeschooling for one year, and after that we would review the situation.Our children, also, are used to making their own decisions, but in this case we felt strongly that Maryrose could not see what was happening to herself. After one we€k at home, she told us that she wanted to homeschool through high school. Katrina made her own decision to homeschool that year. Each year since then Katrina and Maryrose have made the decislon to school at home. I agree that children often do know what's best for them. However, it's virtually imposstble for decisions to be made without being influenced to one degree or another by peers. Adults (sometimes) have a background of experience in dealing with peer pressure and a comprehensive view of society that children just don’t have because they haven't been around as long. Children need to hear adults' opinions and sometimes they need us, at least temporarliy, to make decisions for them.
Theresa had been wanting to go to school "like her big sisters" from the time she could talk. We sent her to preschool two mornings a week hoping it would satisfy her desire to go to a real school. It didn't, She was adamant about wanting to go to public kindergarten. We compromised. She went to public school kindergarten, but stayed home for first grade. As second grade approached she “sort of” wanted to go back to public school because that's where her friends were. We started a homeschooling group that met once a week and Theresa decided to stay home.She may or may not stay home next year. I certainly want her to stay home and will try to convince her that staying home will be in her best interests. In December, Katrina started attending public school part-time. Originally, she wanted to take clarinet lessons and participate in after-school activities. The superintendent told us this was possible.We discussed the subjects she was interested in taking and talked to the public school teachers. Some of them were much more open to having her in their class than others. Some of their teaching methods were more to Katrina's liking than others. She ended up taking science(which she's always liked but hadn’t pursued much on her own) and art. For the second semester she chose science and life skills. She's also taking clarinet lessons and has joined the eighth grade band. I think the fact that she freely chose to take these subjects is significant. The public school has become a community resource for her.
Since she started part-time school,Katrina's contact with school friends has increased. She now has more in common with them. This has met another need that surfaced this year—more contact with age-mates.
In short, I believe every situation and every child is unique. If it's working, pursue it: if not, change lanes. We try always to leave options open. It helps to remember that no decision is irreversible.
Maryrose is now 11. I asked what she thought about our decision to keep her home in second grade even though she wanted to go to public school. Here is her reply:
“I'm glad my parents made that decision for me because I don't think that at the time I was capable of making that choice. I was only looking at a few advantages and looking at one big disadvantage of homeschooling—not seeing my friends every day at school. Also, I thought people might think I was silly or stupid for doings something different, like (as my friends called it at first) “not going to school.”
Next year, or maybe the year after, I might go to school part time like my 13-year-old sister. This year I went to the public school for one day with a friend. I found it interesting. They certainly had some stupid rules. It was OK but I prefer homeschooling.As far as friends go, I have two best friends who are really nice. I have many other friends. too. Some of them even homeschool. None of my good friends minds that I homeschool. They'd like me to come back to school, but they'll be my friends and like me even if I don’t. For some people, homeschooling might not be right, but for me it is. I'm glad my parents made that first decision because otherwise I might still be struggling in the public school system. I enjoy working at my own pace and making my own decisions about what I'll learn and how I'll spend my time.
