Feeling OK About Being An Older Reader

(SS) When I was interviewing Anita Giesy about her experience with school's social life for this issue’s Focus (see page 19), our conversation turned to the subject of older readers. Anita by her own description only began to read fluently at about age 12 (she's now 17). I had been thinking about the stories about older readers that were in the past a couple of issues of GWS, and it seemed to me that often what was hardest for these young people was not the fact of not being able to read, but the problem of handling situations in which reading was expected, or feeling pressured or different from others of the same age. Anita and I talked about how she handled these situations in the hopes that othes would find her perspective and experience helpful.

We always say that it doesn’t matter when you learn to read, but some of the kids we hear from, or about, seem to find it so hard not to be able to read at, say, 9 or 10—because others tease them or think they ought to know how. From what you’ve told us in the past, it seems as if you managed to escape that.

I didn't escape it totally, but I escaped enough of it to relax. When I babysat, there were some kids I was very comfortable reading to because they weren't judgmental. One girl was old enough to know that I was supposed to be reading better at my age, but she wasn't judgmental if I stumbled on a word.

I still, every once in a while, get anxiety attacks at the thought of reading aloud, even if it's something I could read to myself. I have to put my fears aside and say, "Yes, you can do this.”

A mother wrote to us about her daughter being in a situation in which other kids wanted to play a game that involved reading and writing. This girl couldn’t really participate, and she said they didn’t understand that she was trying her hardest. Should parents try to protect their kids from these situations, or help them cope with them?

I was lucky because I had my friend Ellie, and she understood. We often played games with her younger brother, who, being younger, wasn't a great reader either, so she would just read all the questions (or whatever it was). At home, we played a lot of games that involved question-reading, and Mom would either help me or just read them, depending on how tired I was and whether or not I was in a mood to try reading them myself.

I think parents have to say to their child, “Yes, there are going to be kids out there who read better than you do, but if you want to try, or to work on this, I'll help you.” That was always Mom's line: “If you're ready to try, I'll help you any time." But it was my choice one way or the other. Just try to tell the child that it's not bad that she can't read, but it is going to limit her sometimes.

It seems to me that if everyone was only saying, “It’s OK, don’t worry about it,” maybe a child could come to feel that the adult were giving up on her, that they never expected her to read at all. Somehow you knew that people didn’t feel that about you.

Mom said in so many words, “You can read, you just need to work on it more.” She always made it clear that I could do it, but I would have to put time into it to get to the goal of being able to read smoothly. At first I read slowly, one word at a time, and it was hard to get the flow of the sentence. I knew that I would have to work on it to be able to read more smoothly, but that if I could do that, reading would be less frustrating.

When Mom read aloud to me, I would follow along. I could learn without feeling that I had to read myself. Then Mom started realizing that I was reading along with her when we would read at night. She would

start to fall asleep, and I would get impatient and want to go on with the story, and I would point to where we were, so she knew I was reading enough to know that. And later I would read to myself when Mom was sewing, and when I came to a word I didn't know I would spell it out, she would tell me what it was, and then I'd continue.

That’s interesting, because it reminds us that it’s not as if you suddenly started reading at 12 without having been able to read at all before then.

No, it was definitely a gradual process. Twelve was when I was able to read smoothly and comfortably.

Let's come back to the kids who are in difficult situations with people who expect them to read.

It would be even harder if we were in a daily situation, like school. But also, you learn to adapt - I've read about tricks that adult non-readers use, and when I read that now I think, “Oh, I know that one!'

What's an example of a trick?

Reading every other word to try to get a quick sense of what something's about. I often felt that I would have been able to read something if I could slow down and take my time, but if I was afraid that people would think I was dumb if I really took the entire time that I would need, I would try to read every other word to get a feeling for what it was about. When I was in Carousel when I was 8, we went out for something to eat afterwards, and I looked at the menu and thought, "Oh no, what am I going to order?'

But I ended up ordering what one of the other people had ordered. But when you use a trick you do think, it would be easier if I just knew how to read.

I wrote to one girl who had been in a difficult situation and said maybe she would have to learn how to say, “Reading is hard for me and it’s something I’m working on.” Were you ever able to say that?

When I was younger I think I was good enough at the tricks. But when I was older and more comfortable with the idea, I would sometimes say that, like to the kids I babysat for. I would say it's not my best thing, and I can read now but I don't always read fast, and if I get nervous it’s even harder for me. It takes being strong, knowing that this is a weakness, not a failure, and it will come in time.

One thing that happened a lot, that I would never give in to, was other people quizzing me: "What's this word?" “How do you spell this?" I just refused. I said, "l don't get quizzed.”

You said that you knew you would have to work on reading, and that it as your choice when to do that. I think somepeople wonder whether kids will every try to do something that’s so hard for them. What made you decide to work on it?

I don't think there was any one moment, but it was just a basic feeling of, for example, being sick of having Mom read me the menu in a restaurant, wanting to be able to read over the descriptions myself. I was getting to the age where I might be going out with someone else besides Mom, and I didn't want looking at the menu to be a big deal. I also wanted to be able to read to myself. If I got a letter, I wanted to be able to read it privately.

You get to a point where there's enough reading in the world that you want to be able to do it. I think kids in school who can't read would get to that point, but they're ashamed of it, so they keep it to themselves and there's no one to help them.

I think it will be so helpful to people just to hear from you that it all works out eventually.

I feel it has worked out, and you know, I feel it’s an even bigger accomplishment for me when I finish a book. I went through a period where I would read parts of lots of books but never finish any, so now I'm proud that I can finish them.

I still have to stop myself from shying away from things that involve reading in public. The camp that I go to is divided up into tribes, with chiefs, and I used to shy away from being a chief because I knew it involved writing down information and relaying it to the group. But this year I was the chief, and I found that the writing in that situation was very easy. So I have to say to myself, "You can do it, don't shy away from something just because you think you can't."

I think that question about shying away comes up for homeschoolers who might like to get to know someone in another state but are afraid of the writing part of it.

My mother's my editor. John Holt was the only person I felt comfortable writing to by myself, sounding things out and spelling them as best I could, because I knew he wouldn't judge it.

I guess someone might say, “But what happens when you leave home and don’t have your mother around?”

I have a dictionary. And when I'm traveling next year, my journal will be for me, so I won't worry about how it's spelled.

It’s interesting that you talk about keeping a journal – it means that writing has a place in your life even if it’s been hard for you.

I've always loved writing. I'm the only one of Mom's children who has written for the joy of writing. It was always made clear to me that I should go ahead and spell something how I wanted to spell it and then correct it later, or I could ask Mom how to spell a word. My grandmother once asked if I wouldn't learn to spell the word better if I had to use the dictionary, and I told her no, after you call out a word and have it spelled to you enough times, you remember it. And it's interesting - my older sister developed her spelling skills by spelling words to me.

A homeschooler I know, who finds reading difficult, wants to get involed with theater, but is afraid of having to read scripts. What should she do – not get involved with it, do it and explain to people, find an improvisation group that won’t require reading…?

I think she should either find time to get away by herself to read it as slowly as she needs to, or explain to the group, "l am a slow reader, I need time to work on figuring it out, but by the time we go on I willl have it ready." When I did that play when I was 8, I took it home and memorized it right away, so I dealt with it that way.

I like the idea of saying, “I’m a slow reader” instead of “I can’t read” or “I’m a bad reader” I like the way that implies that you can do it, even if it will take a little extra time.

Older Readers

Ann Boland (WV)writes:

Our oldest son - now 14 - didn't really begin reading until he was11. If it weren't for GWS we would have considered homeschooling a failure and sent him off to school. As it was we did have our doubts. We would go through cycles of putting pressure on him, working with him daily on phonics or sight reading. He would be unable to recognize a word a few minutes after we had worked on it. He would get frustrated, we would get frustrated. We found that the best thing to do was to not work with him unless he really wanted us to - which was rare. We have always read to him and he always had a great understanding of what was read to him. I think he enjoyed hearing stories so much that it made no sense to him to sweat out a story word by word.

He had to put up with razzing from our friends or fear of being in a situation where someone would find out he couldn't read. He learned to handle these situations but I think they led to him feeling insecure about his own intelligence. When he was 9 we enrolled him in the gifted program in our county. It involved one day a week in agroup of about ten kids. Although he passed the other tests, they were reluctant to take him because he couldn't read. I think they finally took him because they wanted to feel they had some influence on this poor homeschooled child. In this setting, he realized he was as smart as the other kids, which was a real boost for his confidence.

I have noticed that he learns in a scattered sort of way. When I was helping him learn to ride his bike I would hold it and run along as he rode. All the while he would be talking, pointing to things along the road, and seeming otherwise distracted. This was very frustrating to me but I had promised I would help him half an hour a day for a week. After three days he just took off and rode by himself. This is the way he picks up most things. He seems to be doing a dozen things at once, yet he does learn very well.

This is apparently the way he learned to read. All of a sudden (or so it seemed to us) he could read whatever he wanted to. He loves to read now and always has a book that he is into. He went from being unable to read the simplest paragraph to being able to read books written for adults.

The biggest thing I have learned from this is to trust my kids to learn what they need to (or want to) learn when they are ready. Reading GWS and other parents' experiences with “late readers” was very helpful. I would also keep thinking about what John Holt said about reading - a child can't help but learn to read in a home where reading is a valued part of life. This makes a lot of sense to me but I would find myself doubting because there were so many "experts" (teachers, school authorities) who doubted.

__________

From Janna Books (NM):

We have read to Tasha since infancy and she has had an increasing desire to read herself. She would often, at ages 4-7 especially, curl up with a chapter book and tell-read herself a story. But it seemed to me that she was frustrated that her elforts in word-for-word reading did not produce a smoothly flowing narrative as she was used to hearing or telling.

When she was 8 1/2 I began to have "official” school with her. This was not my preference, but rather a response to her pleas to have "real' school and to her frequent cries of boredom. I began by reading her a story with one or two sentences per page. I would then read one line at a time, and she would repeat the line after me the first time through the book, and read by herself the next time through. When she could read the entire book with less than ten mistakes we would move on to another book. When she finished a book she would get a small reward.

After reading several books according to this system, we began a book that was rather difficult for Tasha, so I fudged on the ruIes and more readily supplied the words she couldn't get, without keeping track of the number of mistakes she made. At this time I particularly felt that reading pages or books over again wasn't necessary, and moving on to new pages or books would build her vocabulary and skills just as well. Soon I didn't even need to read any of the material to her first.

She continued reading this way for a number of books until the level of reading (still in the I Can Read category) was causing her to depend too much on phonetic decoding. I was not comfortable with this and decided to give her a respite from reading and let her natural maturation carry her forward. During this period, I noticed an increased amount of "real-world' reading of signs, cereal boxes, etc.

When Tasha turned 10, I asked her what particular things she would like to do during her school time. She named reading, Spanish, science, and writing (she got a diary for Easter which she is avid about). Today she wanted to read a chapter book aloud to me. We got through two and a half pages of Pollyanna in about thirty minutes.

I don't think that Tasha would have sat down and waded through a book on her own (as she has recently with some Dr. Seussbooks) until she was 9 1/2or 10. And maybe starting earlier was not all that helpful. But when she was 8 1/2 I just felt she needed to start so she could gain confidence. She has often talked of how much she wants to be able to read the kinds of books she is interested in. I feel that now. I can follow her lead.

__________

From a later letter:

In the two months since I wrote to you Tasha has picked up several chapter books and is reading them on her own, silently. She has finished one. She rarely asks for help. She spells a word to me every now and then and occasionally asks me to read a dilficult passage to her so she can comprehend it. She has read to her sisters when I didn't even know she was doing it. She is so much more able to figure out labels and signs now, too. One year ago she was struggling with 12–2O words to a page.

From WATCHING CHILDREN LEARN, GWS 91

Reading at 10 and 11

Jutta Mason of Ontario wrote in a report to her local school superintendent:

... The biggest change in Daniel since my last report is that he has now almost mastered reading. Watching this process in the children, now for the third time, is a great privilege. In this family, reading is not really a subject for teaching, so its arrival is something like watching small children learn to crawl, then walk, then talk. Each time one of the children has learned one of these primary skills, I have been astonished at the flexibility and power of human beings. Now, with Daniel reading, I am mindful that this is the last time I'11 have the privilege of watching such a process.

Daniel is the latest of the three children to read, being now almost 10. In the summer I thought he was getting it, and I encouraged him to read to me sometimes, but he resisted. So after a while I stopped asking him. At that time he was still rather forgetful, usually having to sound out the same word again even if it came up twice in one sentence. Then in the fall he began to read store signs and notices with a vengeance, so that a trip, even walking along the street, would be a continuous series of whispers by him as he read (to himself) any word that his eyes lit on. I had no idea how many words clutter our landscape. Then at night, in bed, sometimes past midnight, he read his way through a fat Spiderman annual [his older brother] Luke gave him for his birthday last year. At the same time he expanded into the sports pages of the Globe. He did all of this reading on his own, outside of my very occasionally asking him to read me a storybook. He was obviously getting better, but even so I was somewhat shocked when he and I went to the 'Discovery Gallery" at the museum three weeks ago, and he read me things about "atmospheric conditions" and "helium gases in the stratosphere" without any prompting and almost without any need for correction. He read me long paragraphs of technical writing to instruct me in the ways of the stars and the weather. His main remaining problem, as far as I can see, is with punctuation - catching the commas and the periods. When he learns this, I guess our last bird will be fledged, in a certain way.

Irene Mott (NJ) writes:

Wickliffe learned to read at age 11 1/2, and now two years later reads at the ninth grade level. He does not write yet, but with our organic teaching and learning method he does not need to write as yet. When I finally learned to let go of the tutor, the sit-down lessons with phonics and slogging through books word for word, when I at last took all hands off his learning, he taught himself when he was ready. I, of course, needed the support of GWS, all the articles concerning late readers. Thank you, all who have written assuring me that eventually, sometime, he would read. Misty (I5) and Wickliffe are now finishing the Private Pilot Ground School, which entailed heavy technical reading, and they loved it!