Recovering Enthusiasm, Self-Esteem
From GWS 68
Susan Weed of California writes:
From the beginning Benjamin (now 14) has marched to another drummer. He did not read with any success until he was 9. We attributed this lack to some eye problems for a long time, but I now realize that he was simply not ready to read until then. He never seemed to “get” the material in the lectures at school or on the myriad ditto sheets, However, he did wonderfully in classes like science where there was hands-on learning, and in one notable literature class where the teacher had the kids act out the story they were reading. So, from the beginning I ended up working with him for hours after school, re-teaching him in the way I knew he would learn.
At first Benjamin wasn’t affected by being “wrong” so much of the time, but as he got older his self-esteem began to suffer. His natural enthusiasm seemed to be waning, he hated school and often had headaches and stomach problems that would vanish soon after he was allowed to stay home. We had tried both private schools, where he was to have individual attention (which often meant that the teachers paid so much attention to him that all the other kids knew he was “dumb”) and public schools where there were many in the same boat and he was passed over unless I was there every other day.
During Benjamin’s seventh grade year I began to feel burnt out from tutoring him and worrying about him. Luckily, it was about this time that I ran across an article about homeschooling which mentioned John Holt and GWS. I wrote immediately for information and after some four months of research and a great deal of encouragement from my husband and my parents, I decided to give it a try. After all, I told myself, I’d really been doing most of the teaching myself anyway, and I’d come to discover that being a teacher depends no more upon a degree than does being a mother.
Benjamin was delighted from the very first and told me his last day of school was the happiest day of his life. I am quite sure he meant what he said. We have now been homeschooling for six months, and it would take volumes for me to express the joy I feel in watching my son regain his self-esteem, his love of life and learning, and his wonderful enthusiastic personality. Everyone notices the change in him, how mature and responsible he seems, and how, even with his active life, he seems at peace.
Two weeks ago Benjamin forgot the only books he ever read, Garfield joke books, when we had embarked on a seven hour car trip. He was sure he would die of boredom. I casually mentioned that I had remembered to bring the latest library book that I had only just started to read to him. It was about a young man during the civil war and he had seemed to enjoy it. After a time he sighed and said he guessed he would “look” at that book. Before we arrived at our destination he had read four chapters, and has since gone on to finish all seventeen! That will be no big thing for most people, but for a 14-year-old boy who was labelled dyslexic and to whom reading seemed a form of punishment, it was cause to bring out the champagne!
It has been with some difficulty that I have left Benjamin to his own devices for a good part of each day, but I really do believe that it is the best thing to do. He has begun to show a real interest in the garden we planted, and spends a good deal of time at the computer. His great interest in guns prompted learning about trajectory, caliber, the make-up of ammunition, and a five-hour safety class which he sat through with rapt attention. Aside from these things he is, as all homeschoolers are, able to learn first-hand what his parents do all day. Benjamin is the envy of all his friends, while I have the undeserved admiration of all of mine, for no matter how I try to dissuade them they insist on picturing me with a blackboard and a pointer. How deeply ingrained is our feeling that someone must teach us for us to learn.
